The Myth of the Mom Who Has It All Together…

This week I read an absolutely FABULOUS post over at Preschoolers and Peace titled, “I Can’t Do This Homeschool Life” where she answers a reader’s question about what to do when everything seems to be crashing in and there is no one to talk to, especially those homeschool mom’s who ‘have it all together.’

That last part is what stood out to me.  I’m not quite sure why we do this as women, but we tend to often look at others and believe the myth that everyone else ‘has it all together.’  This is true in the general motherhood department as well as when you are homeschooling.  Sure every woman has giftings in certain areas, but no one has it all together, all the time.  It just isn’t humanly possible and I think most of us would readily admit the truth of that in our lives.

As a woman, my emotions are constantly fluctuating.  As a mom, life circumstances can drastically turn in the blink of an eye.  The combination of those two…  Watch out.

Have any of you found yourselves gazing lovingly at your children and just pinching yourself that God has blessed you with these precious little souls only to have the moment come crashing down when there is a sudden meltdown or sibling argument?  Or maybe it seems like the chaos will never end when you are in one of ‘those’ little seasons???

{one of those, “mooooooooooooooooomy” whining moments that cropped up during an otherwise normal photo op on Mother’s Day.}

What I’ve found, though, is that sometimes we have stronger moments than others and we can lean on one another and support one another when one of us is having a rough day.  It is so nice to have a few friends to lean on in our weakest moments.  My prayer is that I can be one of those women to my friends and in turn be humble enough to reach out when I need support…

When a sister is struggling let’s try and keep a few things in mind:

1) Listen.  When we are struggling, oftentimes it just helps to be heard.  A year and a half ago I was walking through a difficult time with my youngest.  At not quite 2, he was just one of those {adorable} dangerous kids that gets into everything and leaves a path of destruction in his wake. {Think dark lipstick art all over my carpet…}  At my wits end one day, I called a friend and brightly told her that “I loved homeschooling.” Then my voice took an ominous turn when I blurted out, “But seriously, could I just put Trey in daycare.”   Now of course, deep down I wasn’t really serious.  But it sure helped to voice my frustration and get that off my chest.  I actually felt a lot better and we were able to laugh {somewhat} at his latest escapade before I pulled myself together to face the rest of the day. I needed someone safe who could listen and wouldn’t judge me or go blab about my weak moments to others.

2) Empathize.  It helps to be honest with one another and let others know that we struggle too.  We need to be real with one another…  It is amazing how many people I shock when I tell them that my mom felt like throwing in the towel so many times during our homeschool years.  It was so bad once that we were ordered to put our shoes on while she collected her purse and proceeded for the door to take us to the local public school…  They are shocked because she and my father were state homeschool leaders and she regularly counseled families as they started and continued on their homeschool journeys.  Surely someone like her ‘had it all together’ and never had doubts or bad days…  The truth is we all do.  It always helps to know we aren’t alone.

3) Pray for them, right then and there.  We all need God’s fresh mercies that He pours out every day.  A friend that cares enough to stop right there and pray for you is such a precious find.  I’ve had a few friends that have done that for me over the years.   This has been one of the most helpful things anyone could ever do to help.  It draws my attention back to God and I am usually much calmer and able to hear His direction on how to proceed.  It cuts right through the emotions in the ordeal and helps me sort out my heart and the situation.

Parenting in general and homeschooling especially, is REALLY hard work.  When it gets rough at my home, I’m constantly telling myself that I can do it.  God wouldn’t call me to something if He wasn’t going to make a way to not only survive, but thrive.  I cry out for mercy, guidance and a huge dose of patience.  I then take a deep breath and move forward, one faithful step at a time in the direction that I feel God is leading me.

We need to be able to extend grace to ourselves and to one another.  We cannot expect perfection, but we can turn our eyes to the one who is perfect.  He is always faithful to carry us through.

And seriously, if you’ve had a rough day in the mommy or homeschooling arena anytime recently, I can’t recommend her post enough.  It is a beautiful reminder to turn to Jesus and the truth found in the Gospel or who he is and who we are in Him.
What would you add to this list?  What do you find helpful when your emotions have taken over or circumstances are really overwhelming?