After a couple of messy starts with my oldest, I waited until he was good and ready and then accomplished the feat of diapers-to-underwear, in a weekend with only an occasional accident afterwards. “Naked time” proved to be the trick for him. My extended family found it a little disturbing, but it worked and I wasn’t left with soiled underwear or carpet.
Fast-forward to boy #2. I knew enough this time around to wait. As a seasoned parent, I now knew EXACTLY how to do this! Sure enough shortly before his third birthday he showed signs of being ready. Confidently, I planned for our weekend. My hubby took our other two out for the morning, so we could focus. {Oh my heart leapt at the thought of being oh so very close to less diaper changing!}
The weekend was a flop. This son of mine hated naked time, could care less about his pride or my carpet and refused to ‘try’ when I asked him too. Frustrated and convinced that this stubborn son of mine would be in diapers forever, I started to put the train, airplane and dino undies away… He balked. As cheerfully as I could I got down at his level and explained that it was ok, but he wasn’t ready. With three little boys running around, mommy didn’t have the patience or inclination to deal with wet underwear and carpet. But my second guy persisted in asking for the underwear. Finally, in a moment of Providence, I agreed to give him one more chance. I calmly told him that he could wear underwear, like his big brother, as long as he kept them dry. With a steady, focused gaze, this nearly 3 year old son of mine agreed to my bargain, grabbed the underwear and got dressed. That week he potty trained himself. This boy of mine was self-motivated. When he put his mind to a task, he was tenacious. While my oldest thrived on words of affirmation and having me there for guidance and encouragement, The next one simply wanted to be left alone.
And then son #3. Don’t get me started… This happy-go-lucky guy took his own path. A messier one. But we survived.
What I learned through all of this was to value them as unique human beings. They each had special temperaments and abilities. What ultimately motivated them was as unique as they were. I’m learning day-by-day to embrace their distinct personalities. I’m learning to rely on the Holy Spirit in communicating with them and reaching their hearts.
When it comes to homeschooling, these same lessons apply. There are moments when I just sit, befuddled. How do I teach this one? What am I doing wrong? This ‘technique’ or that ‘approach’ worked for ‘so and so’, etc… Just like with the potty training example, I’m learning that each of my children are wired differently. God created them special and unique. He entrusted them to me which means that God is going to provide me the means to figure them each out.
And you know what? He’s going to do that for you too. As you read, pray and try new things with your children, He is going to provide. He always does. Sometimes we live such noisy, distracted lives that we don’t hear it.
I’ve been praying a lot lately for wisdom in how to motivate these unique human beings that I’m called to train and educate. And God dropped this little nugget in my lap. I found this great article by Marilyn Boyer on the 4 Motivational Types of Learners. She talks about 4 primary motivational categories:
- the self-directed learner
- the sensitive learners
- the slothful learners
- the steady learner
In addition to describing characteristics that apply to each, she also gives a treasure trove of ideas on how to motivate them. It was eye-opening, encouraging and practical. This mama of 14 {no, that is not a typo} would know a bit about unique learning styles, wouldn’t she? I need to print this off for my lesson-plan binder. I also enjoyed the reminder to embrace their differences when I read her related post on Struggling Learners.
Pause, pray and then move out in faith. If God has called you to teach these children of yours, He will give you the grace and ability to do it!
I’m so glad to have stumbled upon your blog! I clicked on the Marilyn Boyer link about motivation styles and was amazed to see my son perfectly described in #3! Unfortunately, I didnt see much in regards to tips for motivating this type of learner! I would love it if you could pass along any other links to some motivation ideas for this type of child!
Hi Christine,
I’m so glad you stopped by. I have one who has these tendencies too. Marilyn mentioned that sticks and rewards are needed more so with these children. I find that I need to set a timer and give consequences when the work isn’t done in a reasonable amount of time. We’ve taken to setting the timer and then bumping the rest of that work to the afternoon playtime with neighbors. I’ll also issue challenges like, “if we can get everything done or the house tidied {a big struggle in our home} by ___ time, than we’ll walk down to the park or make cookies or…” I don’t use rewards for everything, but they can be powerful motivators for that #3 and helps both of us see that they are truly capable of getting a task done.
Good post! On the potty-training note: Two days ago I tried undies on my 2 1/2 year old. I changed 6 underwear/pant combinations in one day. Today, I put him in underwear again and he pooped – diarrhea all over – which made this pregnant momma almost throw up! Tomorrow I will put him in diapers. I’ll try again in a month. 😉
Ugh… Yup, that is the point when I put them BACK in diapers. Potty training has to be my least favorite part of parenting.