This is their training phase. It is our job to lead and theirs to follow.”
We have an authority crisis in our culture. In a world where profanity and obscenities are increasingly cool, edgy, and authentic, the word OBEY is approached with fear, apprehension, and outright revulsion. We see this everywhere in current culture and the trickledown effect to our parenting is on full display among the young people of today. Kids walk around thinking they are in charge and that the rules don’t apply to them. Even in Christian circles, it is seen as a defect and sometimes openly mocked if you are a “rule follower.” This begs the question about what alternative is valued.
Our culture is doing a pretty good job at convincing parents to back down from their job to lead their children well and many are caving to the pressure. We see stores marketing shirts like this for children and many are buying it.
We see kids walking around with swagger and shirts that shout, “The rules don’t apply to me.” or “I’m the one in charge.” And then we hear parents bemoaning the fact that kids just don’t listen these days.
As I mentioned in Knights in Training, there is a fear that raising kids to obey will result in kids who are mindlessly compliant. But without a proper understanding of authority, society breaks down. Chaos ensues. We are hurting our children when we abdicate our responsibility to lead them well. We can raise them to think and reason and lead, while also teaching them respect so they know when it is wise and right to follow as well as the art of disagreeing well.
If we want our kids to lead, if we want them to grow up to make a difference in their own homes and in their communities, we MUST not give up. We must step into the leadership roles we all have to lead well in our own homes and prepare our kids for the future.
This month’s CHIVALRY CHALLENGE is foundational. We need to circle back to and embrace this central theme from the book.
THIS IS THEIR TRAINING PHASE. IT IS OUR JOB TO LEAD AND THEIRS TO FOLLOW.”
Our kids need to know that to lead well, one must first learn to follow. This applies just as much to the toddler as it does to the teen.
So here is your challenge, parents! Read through chapter 7 on this important aspect of the historic chivalry code and put together a plan to focus on this month. Personalize it to fit the needs of YOUR family and YOUR children.
Here are some things to focus on:
Print the {free} challenge printable and start putting together a game plan!
Just like with last month’s challenge, I’ve provided a printable with discussion ideas and space for you to lay out your own plan. Plus I’ve included Scripture verses, conversation ideas, books to read, and things to do!
Issue the challenge
Talk to your kids honestly about the struggle everyone has to respect authority. There is something inside each of us that wants to call our own shots. Chaos reigns supreme when this happens.
Understanding realms
- Read through the beginning of Chapter 7 and then talk to your kids about the idea of realms of authority. What is the job of a ruler? (the protection, order, preparation, and continuation of the kingdom) We ALL live under authority. As our kids discover that there are many realms and learn to identify them (home, school, church, work, government, etc) and learn their purpose – to protect, to train, to help society flourish – they can internalize the value of this “training phase” in their own life.
- Circle back to the first aspect of the code. Everyone will answer to King Jesus one day. It is a joy and honor to obey Him. He has mighty kingdom work for each of us. We were created to live in communion with the King of the universe!
- Read The Making of a Knight. This beautiful and detailed picture book portrays how a young boy became a knight. Training was involved. He had to apply himself and learn from appropriate authorities in his life.
Growing in Respect and Response to Authority
We all need to grow in this. It is our job as parents to help lead our children in this respect. That is where this month’s challenge will help you focus on assessing how our children are currently responding to valid authorities in their life. We acknowledge that as parents sometimes we fail and we recognize our children’s bent towards disobedience. This is a call, a powerful reminder, to lead well as we prepare our children for their future.
Make a Plan to GROW.
There are so many things you could address this month. This is where you as the parent need to take stock of where your family is at right now and come up with an individualized plan. Look through the chapter for ideas.
- If you have young children, they need to learn the fundamentals of unquestioning obedience to you as their parent. (Remember, your job is to keep them safe. Requiring obedience is an act of love.)
- Revisit the concept personally of “Say what you mean, mean what you say” (page 93) as you focus on consistency in your parenting.
- If you have older children – are you moving towards giving them the ‘WHY’ and are they responding respectfully to this need to understand why instead of being demanding? (page 94)
- Clarify family rules and how to show honor and respect in the home. (page 104)
- Assign a new chore or work out a new chore system. Here’s a download of the chores by age resource that is included in the book.
- Are they speaking respectfully about teachers and other adults they are in contact with. Review manners and use of honorifics. (pages 98 and 105)
- Discuss how and when to say NO. They shouldn’t mindlessly obey just anyone. (page 100)
- Point out examples of obedience in action in the books you read, movies you watch, or situations that arise in real life. They are everywhere.
We have a beautiful opportunity to communicate to our children that we are on their side. When a boy learns to view this season as one of training and recognize your role in helping them launch successfully into their own realms of authority, responsibility, and adventure – everything changes. It doesn’t mean they will always respond well or that you will always lead perfectly. But the mindset is there as you both embrace the purpose of this season!
So grab the free printable and set to work on embracing all that this training phase has to offer!
Check out these books that inspire our boys to live by the code of chivalry. I have several recommendations just for this month’s challenge.
2018 Chivalry Challenge Introduction
Is it too late to join the Chivalry Challenge?
Not at all! Jump right in and join us. You can go at your own pace and follow along behind or you can just combine the first two elements of the code this month and then slow down to one a month for the rest of the year!
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