It is a toxic world out there, full of rampant disrespect and confusion. As a young mom looking at my 3 sons, I knew I wanted to raise my boys to respect and honor the women in their lives. In fact, it was that desire that propelled us into the realm of chivalry and this whole idea of “knight-training” in the first place.
Raising boys who respect women starts at HOME! It is helped by a supportive community. And while we teach our boys to show honor and respect even when scorn is shown in return, it truly flourishes when there is mutual respect and honor.
This month’s chivalry challenge focuses on the quintessential aspect of chivalry – respect for women. We want our men-in-the-making to understand that we all flourish when we recognize the value of each person. This month you have the opportunity to help your sons (and your daughters) discover our similarities as people and celebrate what makes us different.
The messages out there are conflicting to say the least and you have a responsibility as the parent to provide clear direction on how to interact with others.
This must be not only an ongoing conversation, but something that is modeled to them. We need to model in our homes what it looks like for a husband and wife to communicate in respectful ways. We help them walk through how to interact with a sister. Oftentimes, this means owning mistakes you make and helping your children practice being kind and respectful with each other.
Just a few weeks ago, I caught my daughter provoking on of her brothers. This boy got to the boiling point where he shoved her. It provided an opportunity to talk about how we don’t shove or hit anybody – but especially not a girl. Each of my boys is growing at a rapid rate and don’t even realize their budding strength.
Conversely, I had to talk to my daughter about her responsibility to not provoke or manipulate situations knowing the caveats we have given our boys.
So this month, I’ve included some scripture to look at, some conversations you can look to have with your children this month, and some books to read. There are a couple of printable poster options for visual reminders. You can download them here.
In the printable, I’ve included some discussion ideas to have, but you will really need to step back and think about where your boys are at, their ages, and plan accordingly for what activities and conversations you would like to have given your unique family dynamics. I know the conversations I’m having with my boys now are very different than the conversations I had with them when they were little.
HELP THEM UNDERSTAND WHY
Knowing why something is important is so foundational to internalizing and making a belief your own. We want to emphasize over and over again that we are ALL human beings, created in the image of God. This concept is known as the Imago Dei. For a young child, they don’t need to know the name of the concept, but they should be regularly hearing the message. This was a foundational element in Knights in Training, and it should be a foundational element of our daily lives.
HELP THEM FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THIS
Kids need to now just know WHY they should do something, but we need to walk them through HOW to live that out. So HOW to we help our boys develop these foundations so respect and honor are their default mode?
1) We help them recognize sameness before differences.
Again, this goes back to the concept of the Imago Dei. There is far more that we have in common than differences. As I mentioned in my book, we want to shift our kids attention away from a boys vs. girls mentality.
2) We celebrate the differences.
While there is so much that is similar between boys and girls, men and women, we also want to acknowledge the differences and CELEBRATE them! There are personality differences, but there are also general gender differences. As I mentioned in my book, that was one of the hardest things for me to understand. I thought that because of my tomboy inclinations, that there was very little differences between me and the boys I played with other than mere anatomy.
We need to be on the lookout for opportunities to point out these differences and not deal with them in exasperation, but learn to embrace them and celebrate them because when we do, we are all stronger.
3) We teach our boys to treat women as MOTHERS or SISTERS
Because we know that respect starts at home, our aim should be in understanding and loving our family members. Teaching your boys to respect and honor their mothers and sisters is foundational. In I Timothy 5:2, Paul admonishes Timothy to treat all older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters. We want to challenge our boys in the same way. They are to love the women they encounter as mothers and sisters. This means showing honor. It means recognizing their unique strengths and using his own strength to defend and protect and bring out the very best in others.
We frequently tell our boys that no matter how much family annoys you (and we can all annoy one another), that family bonds are forever and it’s their job to stand up for and help their siblings. When they understand the connection in how to relate to other women in their lives, it is transformative and paves the way for selfless living.
So here is your challenge for July. Look to have conversations with your sons about how to relate to women. Help them put this into practice. Chapter 10 in Knights in Training has lots of ideas to get you going! Look to the way you are living. Father’s, are you modeling respect and care and honor for your wife? Mothers, are you expecting respect from your sons? Grab your FREE Chivalry Challenge download for July HERE!
Share your stories! While respect starts at home, we thrive as a culture when we come together and encourage one another. I love pointing out chivalry in action to my sons. They need examples besides just ours. As you share how your boys are growing or where you are spotting chivalry in action, you have an opportunity to build this kind of culture! If you share on social media, be sure to use the hashtag #ChivalryMovement or #KnightsInTraining. Or you can leave a comment here with how this is playing out in your family or community!
P.S. For those of you who have been following this month-to-month this year, you’ll notice that I missed June. Sickness and then a rapid-fire cross country move sort of upended my June. I felt that this months challenge was too important to rush through it haphazardly last month, so we are pushing everything back.
P.P.S. – For those of you reading this now, it is never too late to join the Chivalry Challenge. We are taking a month to focus on one aspect of the historic code of chivalry at a time. You can go at your own pace from the beginning or jump in with us right now! Read all about the Chivalry Challenge HERE.
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